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Why am I losing interest in sex?

Q: I am 30 years old married man losing sexual interest in my wife for the last few months. But I fantasise about having sex with my wife and she also seems to feel the same. But even though we do have sex, we do not enjoy and when I do not enjoy, I don't ejaculate. Please advise.

A:Many couples go through phases like this. Maybe its just a passing phase. Ride it. If there is nothing else the matter with the relationship, then this phase you are experiencing can indeed be considered the norm rather than the exceptional pattern in human relationships. Sexual interest is a very fragile thing and has to be continually worked upon. Human beings get bored easily and creation of constant excitement is an ongoing challenge. There are proven techniques available for this. Read any men's or women's magazines and they are full of techniques to stay aroused 24/7. You have to find out what works for you and your partner. If it is mutually acceptable, anything goes. Talk about it, discuss it, examine it and try new things. Fantasy is often more exciting than reality, and that probably explains why you experience a difference between fantasy and actual sex. Watching porn also creates unrealistic expectations from sex. Porn is unreal but is perceived as real. This causes major problems. If you are able to get good arousal, erections, ejaculation, and orgasm with fantasy then there is nothing wrong with you. Work on your relationship with your wife instead. Women need love first, then love-making.

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