Q: I am obsessed with the idea of having a threesome with my wife and another man. I wish to see her having sex with another man. I even masturbate imagining the above. How can I come out of this obsession? Is it normal? I feel guilty as I tell my wife to imagine that she is made love by another man during sex, which she reluctantly does.

A:Fantasies of sex activities that are socially unacceptable are common and not necessarily a problem, unless the man is driven to carry them out, to the distress of their partner. When carrying out the fantasy is demanded of the partner, major problems always arise. A solution is to promise the partner that you wish to discuss these fantasies but never carry them out. With that reassurance the partner may be able to tolerate and even engage in the fantasies, and share their own, knowing that nothing will happen outside of the secure relationship between the two of you. Threesomes, a common fantasy, almost always end in tragedy when carried out.