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How can I control my sexual fantasies?

Q: I am happily married for the last 6 years. I have 3 problems, which I can't discuss with anyone. I always wanted to marry a woman, who shows a lot of cleavage and dresses in a saree below the naval. But, my wife is the most decently dressed and dignified woman in our family and friend circle. She doesn't expose and is respected for the same reason. But whenever I see a woman who shows her naval or cleavage, I fantasise and masturbate. I feel guilty whenever I cross the limits on ogling at other women. How can I control myself? Secondly, my friend's wife exposes a lot and I have been fantasising about her for the last 15 years. I want to forget her but all my attempts to forget her have failed. What should I do to forget her? In my profession, I have been asked out by several women to have sex with them. I have controlled myself till now, because I cannot cheat my wife. But, I feel that I may not be able to control myself for a longer time, as my wife rarely accepts for sex. What should I do to make my wife more interested in sex? I explained my problems to a doctor friend, who advised me to meet a psychiatrist. But he says that I have to take my wife into confidence and explain everything to her. The above problems will certainly shatter her. I love her and at the same time, I can't control my feelings. What should I do?

A:To fantasise or have some desires like you have is perfectly normal. However, one should never cross limits of decency. Please talk to your wife. Have a frank discussions and talk about each other's likes and dislikes. Explain to her what all you would like her to dress for yourself. If you love each other, you would do these small little things for each other. To have sex is always full of complications and problems: medical as well as social and is definitely not a good idea. It is definitely recommended that you see a psychiatrist. To begin with, you may seek an appointment alone.


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