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Why doesn't my husband devote time to me?

Q: I am a 28 years old woman, married to a 30 years old man. My husband has his own business and monetarily everything is good. We got married four months back. My husband had a routine of going for badminton before his marriage every night and the same continues even now. His friends are his top most priority. He leaves for office at 9 in the morning and comes at 9 P.M. and then leaves for his badminton session followed by drinking, smoking and gossiping with his friends. He returns home after 11 at night, takes his dinner and goes to sleep. If I try to come close to him, he puts me off by saying that he is too sleepy. He gets angry even when I try to hug him in the morning. If I tell him to come home soon, he says it’s my duty to wait for him. On Sundays, he watches TV for quite a while and evenings are booked for his friends. He comes close to me only when he likes, once in 15 - 20 days, and we have an intercourse. He does not ejaculate also. What could be the reason for this behaviour? I am very upset as he shouts on me when I raise this issue. What shall I do? Is his behaviour because of his friends, his drinking habits, tiredness or lack of emotional bonding between the two of us as ours is an arranged marriage? Please help.

A:It is extremely important that both of you seek personal consultation with a marriage and sex counselor. There are many more details needed from both of you before any advice can be offered. However, prima facie, it appears that your husband may be suffering from a problem like erectile dysfunction and hence trying to avoid sexual encounters with you. He surely needs a lot of counseling and treatment of his problem.


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