Why does my wife fight so much with me?
Consultant Psychologist,
New Delhi
Q: I am an engineer and married since five years to a beautiful wife and have a son. After marriage we were very happy and loved each other. Over time, due to initial bad financial condition after marriage and since I used to send money back home, she started hating my parents and quarreling with me. She is very abusive when she fights and disrespectful to my parents. We often have fights which are beyond the dignity of educated people. She always warns about getting out of marriage or committing suicide and says she is staying on for the sake of kid only. She says she is frustrated and wants me to love and attention to her and confesses that she is bad with my parents because I am bad with her. She is very committed and loving to the kid and blames me of not paying attention to the kid also. If she does not like something, she is always vocal about it and picks up a fight with abusive language and quotes past events. Please guide me how can we make our married life more happier be ideal parents for the kid?
A:It does seem that your marriage has suffered a great deal over the years. In any relationship there are stresses that impact the quality. The important things is to identify and then manage those well. In your case it seems as though financial constraints have been at the base of the difficulties. And that probably has been coupled with poor communication that has resulted in problems reaching this stage. Given that things are as serious as you describe them to be, it might be hard to address these issues without professional help. Please consult a marriage counsellor who will be bale to help. Professional help is also essential because your wife talks about suicide. One must ensure that she gets help to deal with such dark thoughts. Remember that you have shared a beautiful relationship with her in the past that is your strength. Maximise on it, get help and things should improve. Good luck.