My husband is angry with me and wants to leave, what do I do?
Senior Consultant Psychiatrist and Incharge of the Institute of Child Development and Adolescent Health at Moolchand Medcity, New Delhi
Q: I have been married for 10 years and have two daughters. Recently, I have been depressed and I think I know the reason for it. Actually, I have a younger sister who was in love with my husband’s brother but due to certain reasons they could not get married and now she is married to another person and is happy. My husband is very upset about this. He says that he should have left me and gone. He keeps torturing me and talks bad about my family. He says that my sister too has a bad character. Actually, my parents did not even inform me about my sister's marriage to this other person, as she was scared that someone might disrupt it. I am very depressed and feel lonely and hurt whenever my husband complains about my family. He has told my daughters that they should not visit their maternal grandparents home. I don't want to live like this. He used to love me a lot earlier but now wants to live separately. I cannot talk to him. Kindly help me.
A:I feel that you should have an open conversation with your husband regarding the issue and explain that nothing can be done anymore. You must understand that he is possibly directing his anger at you since he has no other source to blame and there might be a lot of disappointment from his family and hence a lot of added pressure on him. However this is not justified and his brother’s relationship has no bearing on your relationship. I suggest that you should also explain this to your husband along with other factors such as the effect of such behaviour on the children and how your family kept you in the dark as well. Also speak to your family and sister about it and try to see what can be done to improve the situation. I am not sure as to why all this happened and why your husband is still reacting to it, these factors will have to be explored. The situation might improve with time once everyone has accepted your sister’s marriage and realised that there is little that they can do now. However if things get worse, visiting a marriage counsellor along with your husband may be advisable.