How to tackle a friend who shows me down all the time?
Senior Consultant Psychiatrist and Incharge of the Institute of Child Development and Adolescent Health at Moolchand Medcity, New Delhi
Q: I am in the USA and miss my parents and brother a lot. I can't go to India as I have a new job and can't take leave. I am facing problems with one particular friend who tries to ignore me and lets me down. I can't avoid her company, as she is a part of my friend circle and it’s very difficult to avoid her. Moreover I like so many people in that group with whom I don't want to break off. But nobody can avoid her now. How can I tackle her and her bad behaviour? Whenever we are at a party and I start talking about my experiences, she tries to change the topic intentionally or gets up to distract others. This makes me very depressed. She also tells her children to bother my 6-year-old daughter, so that I get more disturbed. Many people have noticed her doing this to me intentionally. Please advise.
A:You need to consider why is it that you continue to refer to this person as a friend and why is her approval so important to you. Another aspect that requires consideration is the extreme black and white attitude towards this friend, why do you consider removal or complete resolving of problems as the only solution. You can also consider confronting her or even ignoring her subtly. The best solution it seems is to accept her disregard for you and instead focus on developing your relationship with people that actually care about you. You could also focus on finding new friends or developing hobbies that will in turn increase your self worth. It is important to understand that you may not have control over some situations in life, especially over things like other peoples opinions of you or even their liking or disliking you. Also focus on finding support in your immediate family, your children and husband. If it is possible to visit a counsellor or call a help line, it is advisable to do so. Many psychologists or social workers who work with not-for-profit organisations are trained and willing to assist someone at minimal fees or you could also approach the psychologist affiliated with your work place.