Advertisement

How to achieve success in a one-sided romance?

Dr Sanjay Chugh
Senior Consultant Neuropsychiatrist,
New Delhi

Q: I am in love with a woman in my locality. She is really mature and suddenly got desperate to attain me as she is the only child in the family. She started to talk with some boyfriend of hers. I got suspicious about the kind of relation they are maintaining. How shall I get her attention and achieve success in romance? So what should I do to convince her? She certainly wants to live in a big family, like our family and she is deserving too. I need to concentrate on my studies too, but very often she crosses me on the roads in our colony. I give her a serious romantic look. To be frank, she only first proposed to me and we started developing deep romance for one another by exchanging non-verbal communication. What is the problem with her? Is she facing any depression out of some failure?

A:It seems that you have been quite troubled due to the events that have been happening in your life. I would like to suggest that you sit down with a paper and pen and write down for yourself the thoughts, doubts etc. that have been coming to your mind. Right now, since it seems that you are confused and doubtful about a lot of things, including your own decisions, this writing will help you look at all your thoughts in a more objective fashion. This will help you make your priorities more clear. In relationships that appear to be one-sided, such kind of doubts and apprehensions can be a constant source of distress for the person. But, just by observing certain things and making your assumptions, about what is going on in the other persons mind, is not going to help. Therefore, in such cases, the best way to end this ambiguity is open communication. It might help if you go and talk to the girl openly. Finally, I would like to say that at whatever stage of life you may be, it is important to have a balanced approach. There needs to be some kind of balance between the various aspects of your life, education and career being one of them. If there is uncertainty in one area of life, ambiguity in another area will only complicate matters. So I would suggest that you try to keep your studies out of all these matters and make sure that you have something to support you.