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How should I handle a demanding and rash child?

Dr S Anandalakshmy
Advisor on Child Development & Education,
Chennai

Q: My son is 4.5 years old. He is an above average child as per his teachers. He is a very imaginative and restless. He talks too much, is very authoritative and hits one and all. I am a working woman and he stays with his grandparents. They are aggressive and stubborn. They are easily provoked and start fighting and shouting at the slightest provocation. They generally cater to all his demands be it justified or unjustified. My son is very demanding, rash in temperament, answers back and uses the worst words when retaliating. I am loving as well as firm with him. I cannot do much to change the habits of my in-laws. They are not receptive to any ideas proposed by me and are easily offended no matter how polite I am. My husband tours a lot and is seldom available for help. I am unable to discipline my child and am anxious about his personality development. He is good at dramatics and has an ear for music too. He is especially good with numbers.

A:Your son's world is too small for him. In other words, he has the energy and inclination for many more activities. Perhaps you should get him started on special classes for Music or Drama. Children often take advantage of situations. If all his demands are met, he is being reinforced for making demands. Since you leave him with grandparents, it is likely that he will imitate what he sees and hears.If the city you live in has an after-school day care arrangement, you should look into the possibilities for your child. Also, if you can adjust your working hours so that you have more time with the child, that might be something to consider. The child's father should also take an active role in the child's socialization. The number of hours he spends with his son is less important than what he does and how they communicate when they are together. Consult his teacher at school and see if you can work together to reduce the child's aggression.Alongside, please cut down the hours of his TV watching and cut out Cola drinks from his diet. Both are known to be harmful.