How can we satisfy ourselves during sex?

Q: I am a 22 years old woman and I like sex but lately I have noticed that my sex drive has gone down. My boyfriend and I have different tastes when it comes to what we like. I like foreplay and slower sex, but he likes it rapid. What usually happens is that he makes me orgasm first by going slow like I prefer it, then he goes on me so that he can have an orgasm but unfortunately, he takes too long and it starts to become very painful. I try to hold on until he goes but most of the time I can't take it. He ends up just finishing himself off or not having an orgasm at all. I don't know what to do. Please suggest.

A:Such situations are best resolved by open communication. You have to tell him exactly what you have said in this e-mail, because he may not know at all that the sexual encounter is unpleasant for you. He probably thinks he is a great lover. It might be an idea for you to not attain orgasm first, but to use a little bit of lubrication (like KY jelly) and start together, from scratch. Then the post-orgasm intercourse period for you will be reduced, and his peno-vaginal thrusting will not seem so protracted and painful.