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How can I deal with a sensitive and violent child?

Dr S Anandalakshmy
Advisor on Child Development & Education,
Chennai

Q: My 7-year-old son is a very confident child. But he is not interested in studies. He does not want to write. His class teacher says that he has a severe attitude problem for the last 7-8 months. He has become violent and pushes or hits other students in the class. She also said that he does not have any confidence in his parents. I don't know how to make him re-establish the confidence that a child has for his mother. I was a working mother till the last 2 months. I have given up my job thinking that my son needs more attention. I am on family way as well and I don't want him to feel left out in any way. His father has no contribution in his upbringing. His own comfort is his first priority. He works in shifts and is out of the house at odd hours. He has contributed a lot in terms of poisoning the child's mind against everyone in family. The father has never been attached to his family emotionally. He discourages the child from interacting with maternal cousins. He drills in my son's mind, the difference between living standard of his maternal cousins and his own. The cousins are very rich. My husband uses very foul language in front of the child also; moreover he has hit me thrice in front of my son as well. The environment provided to the child is not at all healthy at home. How can I change things for my son's betterment without my husband's cooperation?

A:Children are often very sensitive to whatever is going on at home. From what you say, the father has not spent much time to get a good relationship with his son. The mother has also been busy until recently. Someone in the family or neighbourhood must have told him that a new baby will come and that nobody will care about him. You will have to reassure your son of your affection and care for him. Even after the new arrival, you should see that the seven year old feels included in all activities.If problems persist, you should consult a Psychologist or Counsellor regarding your son. He is only expressing his unhappiness through violence and lack of interest in his studies.