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Does my husband have a psychiatric problem?

Dr Samir Parikh
Director and Consultant,
Psychiatry,
Fortis Flt. Lt. Rajan Dhall Hospital, Vasant Kunj,
Fortis Hospital, Shalimar Bagh, Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurgaon

Q: I had an arranged marriage two years ago with a computer engineer. I am also a software engineer. My marriage has been a disaster from the beginning. My husband gets frequent bouts of temper and abuses anyone around him, including me, in very foul language. He does that even when we go shopping or to visit friends/relatives. No one likes him but used to invite us when we were newly married. Now they all avoid him. In the early days of our marriage, I used to try to explain to him my viewpoint, but that used to result in physical abuse. He is forever criticising me, my family and my work. I tried talking to his family but his parents say that it is his nature since childhood and nothing can be done about it. They feel that since his temper lasts for just a few hours, after which he is normal again, I should learn to accept him as he is. I once suggested that we consult a marriage counsellor but that resulted in the worst abuse of my life. I am fed up. I often think of suicide. Is there some way my husband's behaviour can be changed? He behaves in the same way in the office too, although not so frequently. He is in his third job since we got married. If there is any treatment for him?

A:Well he does need professional help, and not just for marital counseling but for individual sessions and treatment for him, and also for you so that your mood and self esteem is not effected. When he is in a better mood you must try asking him that both of you should consider going to a psychiatrist for improving the quality of life, and if this does not work, you should go to a psychiatrist yourself, and then ask him to accompany you, and this would be for you and not for him, so maybe he would be more willing.