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How can I overcome my possessiveness?

Tuesday, 03 March 2009
Answered by: Dr. Mina Bobdey
Psychiatrist, Counsellor & Educator

New Delhi
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Q. I am 30 years old and am under treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder for the past 3 years. At present I am on Prodep 60 mg a day and Paxidep CR 25 mg twice a day. I have shown great improvement. The recurring thoughts have subsided. My current problem is that I am very possessive about a girl who is a close friend of mine at office. I know her for 6 months now. She is in love with another boy and will be getting married soon. We have a common male friend with whom she talks quite nicely. I get very tense because of this because I think she likes him very much and does not give importance to me. I know this is quite childish but I am unable to control myself. I often fight with her and stop talking to her for 1 or 2 days and then continue. This goes on and on. Whenever she chats with him online or talks to him over the phone I feel disturbed. Please help me how to get rid of this. My father is asking me to get married. I am not sure whether it is ok or not because I am very possessive and if I continue to be so I will not be happy at all. So kindly advise what I should do to come out of this problem?

A.  You are right - if you are too possessive it is going to disturb you and your friends or your wife to be (when you do decide to get married). You have completed the biggest step to sorting out possessiveness, i.e. knowing that you are possessive. Once you know about it, what you have to do is be aware of your behaviour. So whenever you are behaving in possessive fashion, you will have to catch your self and stop it. That is the only way, it may seem hard but if you keep on doing it, it will become a nature and you will stop being possessive. Cognitive behaviour therapy can help.

A.  You are right - if you are too possessive it is going to disturb you and your friends or your wife to be (when you do decide to get married). You have completed the biggest step to sorting out possessiveness, i.e. knowing that you are possessive. Once you know about it, what you have to do is be aware of your behaviour. So whenever you are behaving in possessive fashion, you will have to catch your self and stop it. That is the only way, it may seem hard but if you keep on doing it, it will become a nature and you will stop being possessive. Cognitive behaviour therapy can help.

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