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What should I do about my over-possessive girlfriend?

Thursday, 19 January 2006
Answered by: Arpita Anand
Consultant Psychologist,
Max Healthcare,
New Delhi
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Q. I love my girl friend very truly and sincerely and she does the same to me. But she is very possessive about me. She doesn't allow me to talk to my mother, family members or my friends. She always wants me to talk to her through phone always wants me to be with her. She gives me just 5-10 minutes to take bath or to eat and if I dont listen to her, she cries and fights with me. She goes to such an extreme that she cuts her hand with a knife, even for simple reasons. She says that I should always think of her and not watch TV or even go out. This is affecting our relationship. It creates a lot of misunderstandings and fighting. I leave her freely and ask her to meet her friends and watch TV. But then she says that I am avoiding her, don't love her truly. Now she has started complaining that something in herself is intending to fight with me and she can't control it. Please advise.

A.  In any man-woman relationship, there is an element of possessiveness that is considered normal. However, in your relationship it does certainly seem that these issues are reaching an unhealthy limit. It is impossible for any relationship to survive in isolation. One must focus energies on other relationships like friends and family and other aspects of one's life like academics and work etc. Given that your girlfriend seems to experience extreme anxiety when you are not with her and has also tried to harm herself, you must consult a mental health professional immediately. She does seem to need professional help. You must support her and be there for her but these issues cannot be resolved without professional intervention. After a complete assessment, a treatment plan will be formulated that includes, counselling and in some cases medication along with counselling.

A.  In any man-woman relationship, there is an element of possessiveness that is considered normal. However, in your relationship it does certainly seem that these issues are reaching an unhealthy limit. It is impossible for any relationship to survive in isolation. One must focus energies on other relationships like friends and family and other aspects of one's life like academics and work etc. Given that your girlfriend seems to experience extreme anxiety when you are not with her and has also tried to harm herself, you must consult a mental health professional immediately. She does seem to need professional help. You must support her and be there for her but these issues cannot be resolved without professional intervention. After a complete assessment, a treatment plan will be formulated that includes, counselling and in some cases medication along with counselling.

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