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Why do I feel dejected and lonely after relocating to India?

Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Answered by: Dr. Sanjay Chugh
Senior Consultant Psychiatrist,

New Delhi
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Q. I am a 28 years old female and have just moved back to India from the US. I was not keen on returning but my husband insisted and so we did. My life back there in the US was very happy, settled and lively. I had a good social circle, a stable job and was enjoying my married life. But ever since we have shifted to India, I am just not able to adjust to the atmosphere here. My social life is almost nil. I am undergoing treatment for conceiving and thus cannot even have a child before a year or so. Also, my job here is not very exciting and I do not enjoy it. All in all, I am feeling very dejected and helpless. My husband is understanding and supportive. Whenever I break down, he is always there to comfort me and talk to me. My main problem is that I want to move from here, but am scared to move since the next place may be worse. I feel guilty that I know so many people in India, but even then not able to gel well with them. What do I do?

A.  Relocations can very often cause adjustment problems in the beginning. Having lived in a particular place for long makes you feel settled and adds to a certain sense of stability, which gets shaken or wobbly when we move into a different environmental setting. This is quite understandable and for many, a natural response too. Thus, it would be best that you allow yourself some time to slide into this new atmosphere. If you want to get comfortable with the city, its people and its way of functioning, then you will need to be a part of it. You will need to step forward and take the initiative of learning the ins and outs of the place. Look at the brighter things that this decision has to offer to the both of you than its demerits. Focus on building new relationships at work with colleagues, friends as having a healthy network of friends and family can act as a great source of support and strength. Make sure you put your best foot forward and try whole heatedly before you decide to move elsewhere, to keep the unwarranted feelings of guilt at bay.

A.  Relocations can very often cause adjustment problems in the beginning. Having lived in a particular place for long makes you feel settled and adds to a certain sense of stability, which gets shaken or wobbly when we move into a different environmental setting. This is quite understandable and for many, a natural response too. Thus, it would be best that you allow yourself some time to slide into this new atmosphere. If you want to get comfortable with the city, its people and its way of functioning, then you will need to be a part of it. You will need to step forward and take the initiative of learning the ins and outs of the place. Look at the brighter things that this decision has to offer to the both of you than its demerits. Focus on building new relationships at work with colleagues, friends as having a healthy network of friends and family can act as a great source of support and strength. Make sure you put your best foot forward and try whole heatedly before you decide to move elsewhere, to keep the unwarranted feelings of guilt at bay.

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