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Why has my best friend rejected my love for her?

Friday, 23 February 2007
Answered by: Dr. Ashu Rajan Gandhi
Consultant Psychiatrist
Adult Mental Health Program, Eastern Health
Australia
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Q. I am a M.Sc. final year student and 24 years of age. I fell in love with my classmate but I didn't realise when this happened. I was very tense to express my feelings, as she was from a much higher family and a conservative background than me. She was so to say my best friend. Last week, I had expressed my feelings to her, but she got angry and told me that she did understand my feelings towards her from a long time. But she warned me that we were just good friends and not to make this relationship harsh. I don't know what wrong have I done. We always tried to keep each other’s words all the time. Now after my feelings, she told me not to SMS her except in an urgent case and to lessen our friendship. She even told me that her parents are searching for a partner for her. I am very depressed and I can't forget it. I can't say anything more than this and I am very sad. Please help me.

A.  I am sure it is just the initial reaction that you have felt so disturbed. No relationship can be forced upon and can only be successful if both are interested. Remember, friendship does not and is not equivalent to intimacy, while intimacy can develop from friendship. In your case your friend does not want to go beyond and wants to limit it to friendship. It is always best to have a one to one chat without getting too much emotional and if things do not work out, move on because life cannot be very restrictive and also because each one is entitled to their wishes, desires, needs and decisions. If you are not able to still cope spend time ventilating to a friend, if required meet a counsellor. If still you are not able to cope, you may have to take some medicines prescribed by a psychiatrist.

A.  I am sure it is just the initial reaction that you have felt so disturbed. No relationship can be forced upon and can only be successful if both are interested. Remember, friendship does not and is not equivalent to intimacy, while intimacy can develop from friendship. In your case your friend does not want to go beyond and wants to limit it to friendship. It is always best to have a one to one chat without getting too much emotional and if things do not work out, move on because life cannot be very restrictive and also because each one is entitled to their wishes, desires, needs and decisions. If you are not able to still cope spend time ventilating to a friend, if required meet a counsellor. If still you are not able to cope, you may have to take some medicines prescribed by a psychiatrist.

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