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I cannot get rid of romantic feelings for my boss, what do I do?

Thursday, 27 April 2006
Answered by: Arpita Anand
Consultant Psychologist,
Sama Nursing Home
New Delhi
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Q. I am married and 24 years old. I have a 4 year old child. My husband and I do not have proper understanding. I have a very bad crush on my boss and he thinks that I am a very simple kind of a girl. I try to convince myself that I should not think about him but I am helpless. I am such a bad girl. I cannot even leave my job due to financial problems. I did express my feelings towards him but he slapped me by saying that I am a bad girl. How should I face him now, I tried committing suicide but I cannot forget him.

A.  You seem to be experiencing a lot of guilt in addition to other feelings like confusion and distress. Firstly, you must understand that this is not an issue about being good or bad. Many people experience conflicting emotions. People in committed relationships do tend to be attracted to other people but that does not make them bad. What they need to consider is that impact of their choices. This is what you must do. Begin by assessing your relationship with your husband and see what are the difficulties. There are many ways in which differences can be resolved. So if you are looking to improve your marriage then please work on it and you may seek professional help for the same. With regards your feelings for your boss, it may be best for you to maintain distance as it may result in the consequences you fear. Also it seems as though you are pulled towards him because your relationship with your husband is strained. So focus on your marriage and see if that makes you happy.

A.  You seem to be experiencing a lot of guilt in addition to other feelings like confusion and distress. Firstly, you must understand that this is not an issue about being good or bad. Many people experience conflicting emotions. People in committed relationships do tend to be attracted to other people but that does not make them bad. What they need to consider is that impact of their choices. This is what you must do. Begin by assessing your relationship with your husband and see what are the difficulties. There are many ways in which differences can be resolved. So if you are looking to improve your marriage then please work on it and you may seek professional help for the same. With regards your feelings for your boss, it may be best for you to maintain distance as it may result in the consequences you fear. Also it seems as though you are pulled towards him because your relationship with your husband is strained. So focus on your marriage and see if that makes you happy.

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